Anonymous from the Saida area

This is an email I received from a friend:

just minutes earlier a volunteer passed by the house am staying in in
a village east of Saida to write down our names on a list to organize
the distribution of aids(food water ...e.t.c) and just then i realized
i became a "mhajjara" literaly ttranslated to mean "forced migrant".
i have heard this term alot in talks about the lebanese war 15 years
ago and never in my life i thought i'd become one.
i am tired i haven't slept in days i am on the verge of a nervous
breakdown...yes, it happens when you realize you are not being
considered as a human being anymore, but a mere bitter number.

113 dead, 100's injured, and tens of thousands "mhajjareen", all
roads, bridges ports and our only airport bombed from south to the
farthest north..all alond the border with syria is being bombed
complete blockage. just now an israeli general stated that
they are ready to bomb any institution related to Hizballah
where ever it was and most are between or near civilian suburbs and
villages...the only thing i can understand is that "we don't care
how many motherfucking civilans we kill, we want to complete our
mission, wipe out hizballah" , forgive my language but war is ugly
and bitter and cruel and i will not attempt to make it look or sound
any better than it really is, not in my language not in my post...
yet again the war of forgeiners fought on our country... war of
isreal with syria and iran is fought on lebanese grounds,
and yet again lebanon has to pay the incomprehensible price
of blood and destruction..
there are no words that can descreibe the destruction, roads i've
beent o almost everyday places i was there..don't exist anymore..
it's turning into one huge ghost town,
there is absolutely no movement in my city Saida, all shops
are closed, everyone either fled or like my Grandparents
refuse to leave their homes and would rather die in them, fuel
staions are emptying from fuel after the bombing of two
fuel stations on the borders of saida...and when i say borders
it's not a far place it's a couple of kilometers from my house
since distances are negligible in such a small country as lebanon.
i enlisted my name on a list of people who want to leave teh country
when things calm down a littel and it is safe to move around..
i don't think it is anytime soon....
things are getting worse everyday, israeli airplanes are throwing
papers village after village asking the people to evacuate,
in an attempt to stress on hizballah
i don't understand how that is possible when allll transportaion
is down, the only way is to flee on foot kilometers carrying
their belongings, or stay and face their fates...
a genocide happened yesterday when 23 vilagers frrom "Merwaheen"
a village int he south fled to seek refuge in a UN center and the
UN center refused to accept them, afraid that the 1996 genocide
of "Qana" may repeat itself..(anyone and i know most don't know about
it,thanks to israeli propaganda, google it) the poor villagers
were left in open air as they were going back to their homes
and were met by an israeli missile, all dead.

it's turning into an extermination plan...there is absolutely
no considerations for any form of human rights..no consideration
for people's lives..this is israel's war with hizballah
why are inocents being killed? why am i sleeping everyday
to the fading sound of israeli f16 and sounds of explosions?
i can't understand and i don't want to understand it..
why are civilians attacked and why are israeli's using
phosphorus bombs (i don't know what the hell they are, and
am not interested, but i know they are internationally banned
weapons)
isreal's response to the kidnapping of it's soldiers is completely
exaggerated, i can't think of any word to explain the destruction
going on here...it's brutal and inhuman and nothing, nothing
anyone can say or do can justify such a response...
there is so much going on, so many things i want to say
but at this moment i am drained...
everything i learnt and believed in IIPES about any attempts for
peace with israel fell into the water along with my hopes and dreams
of having a country of livi9ng in peace of opening a family
business in my home city of raising my children in the place where
i grew up......
all i see now is destruction and bitterness and fear and loath
and all i can think of is survival..it's not a matter of not wanting
to die, but a matter of refusing to die for such reasons..

bear with me such a bitter post, but it is the truth, bare and solid
and just as it is, and truth hurts..

love to you all including israelis

Rola